"Just Keep Swimming."

There comes a time in every gals life, where she needs to quit analyzing and looking back on the past, and start looking forward to a bright future and a new beginning ... Some individuals might say that holding on is what makes us strong, but letting go is what requires more strength. When it comes down to allowing the person that you love to exit your life, it's undeniably rough and tough. Moving on could take a very long time. However, once you finally free yourself from the shackles of distress that they have caused you, I guarantee in the end it's all for the best.

 

You're probably going to say, "It's easier said than done!" You'd be right, too ... It's easier to fixate on all your problems as opposed to confronting them head on. Recently, a friend of mine named Bella was in midst of a situation exactly like this. Although the efforts were valiant, she couldn't manage getting over her ex-boyfriend and I don't think she has yet, it's going to take time. All the aggravation, anxiety, depression, sorrow and stress that he has caused her, has not served as a help in the least bit. Her ex-boyfriend finished up an argument regarding to be friends or not to be by saying this, "...What am I supposed to do right now? You're lucky that friendship is even an option! I've never once offered this to any other girl that I have split up with." Needless to say, these words transpired because she confessed and expressed her hurt and pain, because shortly after splitting up he was right back to all of his flirtatious habits. I can understand her hurt. There was no adjustment period, it's almost as if what they had together meant squat to him, right before her very eyes on top of it all adding insult to something that's already terribly injured ... She's bawling her eyes out while he's out and about inspecting the goods of others, looking for somebody new already (A quick tip, refrain from putting yourself back up for grabs too soon, it's ADD in the making [Another Dating Disaster]). Once things had cooled off and Fifty Shades of Sad Gal later, Bella finally found the courage to lay it out on the table, and she didn't hold back. She said something along the lines of this, "...I'm still in love with you and you're the reason why I'm still hanging on." His prompt response said something along the lines of this, "...I'm terribly sorry, the feelings aren't mutual anymore, and faking it won't do either of us any good." This would be more emotional, but I'd like Bella to keep some privacy. Long story short, he stormed in, stole her heart and left her life a complete mess ... I'm pleasantly confident she has what it takes to pick up all of the pieces, reassemble her heart, and preserve it for somebody worthy of all the love that she has to give. However, him doing what he did makes it that much more challenging for her to move on from him, as it would anyone else.
 

After all of this said, it's presumably questionable letting a lover exit our lives is completely unwise. But all questions set aside, if they've overstayed their welcome and "I'm sorry" doesn't cut the cake, then it's for the best. It won't hurt letting go of the things preventing us from swimming. If you're not swimming then you are sinking and that's never good. I shall conclude with this - "When life keeps you down, you have to keep swimming, just keep swimming." It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved anyone at all. Although it aches to let the one you love go, so they can be happy, you'll find comfort in knowing that Karma will pay them a visit to serve them the heartbreak they once served to you. I wish all of you a great deal of luck in all of your relationships. Also, I  hope you will keep on swimming to find the path that leads you to the individual you're destined to be with.

"Behind Closed Doors."

Nowadays, who can you really trust? It appears that everyone has something nice to say to your face, then the complete opposite once you turn around. Are we becoming that judgmental? Must we have rude comments to direct at everyone else? In a modern day society, has "getting along" truly become too much to ask for? It seems even in relationships, individuals hold in the truth from their partner, or the individual they wish was their partner. Maybe emotional feelings have become better left unsaid, but is that the right thing to do? That's the key thing we will be discussing : Keeping your feelings from the one you love.

Sometimes, we lockup our feelings in emotional solitary confinement, to spare ourselves the hurt linked to embarrassment and rejection. "How will this person respond to my feelings, and what will the others around me think - Should I or shouldn't I...?" These questions appear to pop into our heads rather frequently, leaving one indecisive and fearful of the answers. We're terrified of the judgment that can arouse, winding up alone and the horror of horrors, possibly losing that individual forever. We crave their touch and their love for a lifetime, but our fears render us incapable of going for it. Plus, we get to thinking maybe behind closed doors that they're hiding something, too. Maybe, the touch that they crave is of someone else's fingers, but could it have been ours all along? Who's to say it wasn't, who's to say it was?

Here's the verdict : There's nobody to say anything, except for yourself. You've got to stand up straight and tall, and face-to-face let it all out to them. Whether it's embraced or rejected, it's impossible for them to doubt your love. Even if they are into someone else or are in a relationship, there's unmistakable comfort in knowing that the possibility was explored, the same comfort that will help you with moving onward. Hearts are often broken by words left unspoken, you could never really know of the turnout until it is out in the open, no longer contained by fear.

For a moment, let's pretend everything goes wrong. All of your heartfelt words are brushed off with a chuckle and the assumption that you are kidding. (S)He may even speak to all their friends about this, as if it were nothing other than a sad joke. If that were to happen, you actually weren't seeking a relationship with the perfect mate, you were seeking a relation(crap) with someone ways from perfect. Shortly there after, (s)he could start dating a random player/whore, with the incentive solely being making you jealous. If these things did happen, you could locate your closure in a New York minute. Those individuals are the one's who will not get very far in life and the reason for karma. However, provided things can go bad, they can also go good. Even though they may not feel for you the same, they don't necessarily have to be a douchebag about it. Like Lucas was to myself, they can be respectful and understanding towards you, and offer the proverbial maintaining a close friendship. Obviously, that's not what you wanted to hear back, but you'll accept and attempt to move onward. Although remaining friends may not work out well, things are capable of going in any direction, and too at any speed.

On the far opposite end of the spectrum, let's pretend everything goes wonderfully. Slowly, they smile back at you and tell you they're crazy about you. You'll get lost in conversation and before you know it, you're getting ready to go out on your first date and likely initiate a relationship, shortly there after ... A date becomes a relationship, a relationship becomes true love, true love becomes getting married and making love becomes having a child. You'll grow old together to the point where your shenanigans together are carried out into a nursing home, where you drive workers crazy, have wheelchair races and secretively put soda in the I.V bags. Although it seems like a out of reach fairytale end, you never know, maybe a Cinderella story is exactly what fate has destined for you - Some love tales are epic novels while some are simply short stories, but that doesn't imply they're any less filled with love.

The only possible way that something so magical can happen, is if you tell them how you're feeling in the first place. Whether it is for better or for worse, is something to be answered after the fact. Maybe behind those closed doors, they're yearning for your affection and your love, your future and your time. Even though they may not and the feelings may not be mutual, the pain of not trying surpasses that of being rejected in severity. If the result is against what you wished, it'll be a bad day, and not a bad life ... Note the difference. You must contend with what's inside your heart, you will regret anything otherwise. Love can't speak for itself, it's completely in your hands to release it. I wish you great luck in all aspects of life and love.

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"This One's For The Boys."

In a current society, women seems to be the dominate gender in the category of emotions. It's all about what guys do to girls, or how girls may feel on a day-to-day basis. People try to make it off that men deal with no issues what-so-ever...that they have nothing to worry about. Just because they don't show it, they may be facing a battle no one else could ever handle. Obviously in this post, I'm going to make a reference to how men may feel about women when in or searching for a relationship.

When dealing with relationships, women seem to be in love with the saying "all men are worthless, mean, and all they will ever do is hurt you." Need I remind you that men are what got us here in the first place, so at least give them the credibility for giving your mother the "missing pieces" she needed to put your puzzle together, if you know what I mean. Anyway, as that saying may be true in some areas, there are many flaws included. First off, not all men are like that. Maybe the school "gangster" (if that's even the appropriate thing to call him) who hooks up with the entire cheer team and part of the football team plus the school whore is like that, but I'm pretty sure that the kids we tend to make fun of the most are the ones we are looking for. I'm not saying that all men are perfect and none of them abuse anyone or anything in any possibly way, I'm just saying that we need to cut men some slack. While we complain about how there's no good man out there, they may be doing the same thing. Seriously ladies, lets take a moment to take a good look at ourselves. The way some of choose to  dress is whore-rendous, our attitude towards others isn't always respectful, we too cheat on our boyfriends, we lie, we spread rumors, we can be drama queens, we never know what we want, and we are the queens of gossip. We fight with someone else because they're wearing the same shirt as us, we always want to be right, we can never take a compliment, and the best part is how long we take to get ready for a simple night out. As there is some reason for all of these flaws, there are reasons for as to why men act the way they do.

What I'm trying to say here my fellow queens is that maybe all men aren't what we think they are. Maybe there's that one guy who is drop dead in love with you, and you're the one friendzoning him, just like your crush once did to you. Maybe we're being too harsh on guys. We always expect a great deal from men and to have to do nothing on our part. I believe that if we want a lot from guys, we should put in our best effort or at least try to step it up. So here's what I'm trying to say...not all men are worthless pieces of crap. Maybe we're the ones hitting them with a stick, treating them like crap, and putting them down to expect them to stand up again. I will leave you with that thought.

"Pressure."

Everyone is under pressure in this society. We feel the need to be skinny/buff, short/tall, great at sports, better at this or that, or to be in a relationship. We may see all of our friends in a relationship and feel like the odd person out; or a loner. We may see our best friend or sibling/younger relative in what seems to be a loving relationship and it puts the pressure on us to have a partner. Therefore, we may feel as if we're not good enough. Is all of this pressure forcing us to be in relationships we don't want to be in? Is this making us feel like we are not good enough to be with someone? Is this bringing on, as one of my friends commonly refers to, ADD? Another Dating Disaster? 

All of this pressure brings on side effects. We may become stressed out or depressed, and we tend to be more vulnerable to rude remarks towards ourselves. We become more sensitive, or in some cases, all of the stress seems to build up inside us, held together by a fake smile and a couple "I'm alright, I'm just really tired. I only slept for about three hours." This builds up until we have a mental breakdown, or a night where we end up crying ourselves to sleep.  For many people dealing with this situation, they may feel lost, or as if no one understands them. It's amazing how one small issue can lead to so many [big] things. If you're currently struggling with this, I know how you feel. I felt the same way when my love for Lucas was much stronger. I felt so insecure, that I would feel as if I wasn't good enough for anyone...that I was just a nobody. I felt as if I was too fat, ugly, dark, etc. I felt that maybe if I had blue eyes instead of black and a lighter skin tone, that maybe...just maybe, Lucas would fall for me. If it weren't for the help of my friends, writing, and music, I wouldn't have brought myself back onto my feet. I now realize that I am who I am for a reason, and if anyone has a problem with it, then I will gladly hold the door open that leads them out of my life. However, don't expect me to keep it open; I hope it hits you where the sun don't shine! While you're at it, I hope you fall down a flight of stairs, too. However, a lot of people don't feel this way. Some take it harder than others. It doesn't matter how bad you have it, it's a matter of how well you can handle it. In this case, for example, if someone is already being bullied or treated very poorly or with neglect, then they might take this situation much harder on themselves. Being under the pressure of having to be in a relationship is a serious thing. The good part to all of these negative things is that when you do enter a partnership, you will (hopefully) realize that maybe you are good enough. Maybe you are skinny or pretty enough to find someone. Maybe your personality and who you are is perfect to your partner. "There will always be that girl who is prettier, skinnier, and somewhat better at most things than you. You just have to find the person who doesn't care."-Unknown. 

If you're looking for a straight up answer, here it is: you are good enough, as far as I know there is nothing wrong with you, and if you're not supposed to be in a relationship, you're just not meant to be in one at the moment. Don't worry if you're not with someone...fate is looking down at you and saying "You're special. I'm saving you for someone you deserve. Someone who will treat you right, respect you, love you, and want to be with you. Just be patient." So don't worry about not being in a relationship, because I'm sure that pretty soon, that special someone will walk into your life for better or for worse. Until then, live life as if it were your last day, sing as if it's the last song you'll ever sing, dance as if you'll never walk again, and love as if you could never love again. Don't stress too much. Everything will be alright in the end.

"Whore-rendous."

Why has it become "in style" these days to dress like you just ransacked Hoe Depot's clearance rack? What's with the whore-rendous outfits? What is happening to our current generation? Back then, this was frowned upon. Now, it's a trend. Also, what's happening to the way little kids act? When I was a little kid, I looked up to the teenagers and adults. I couldn't wait to grow up and be as responsible and fun as they are. Now, little ten-year-olds are running around with their iPhone that daddy got them for Christmas, their Beats they got for their birthday, and their Hollister outfit they picked out at the mall yesterday with their boyfriends. When I was ten, I had my Spongebob CD player, chalk, and a great game called Outside. The best part is that I still have the same things. Anyway, its becoming ridiculous. If we want women to get a chance to play a role that men usually play (president, military leader, etc.) then we need to step up.

I find it disturbing to walk out of the house and see yet another girl on the corner of  Areyou and Bloodyserious. Is this what we want? Is this what we want the next generation to remember us by? Pretty soon girls will be sagging not to reveal their boxers, but their g-string that they chose that day. it seems that every year the shirts get lower, shorts get shorter, heels get higher, and make-up gets heavier. Let's talk about the make-up for a second. Are we trying to look like we came from a Friday Night Freak Show at a circus next to Walmart? What's up with the cheetah eye shadow and orange faces? We are slowly starting to look like Oompa Loompas. Are we women, or Safari animals? We look like we should be taken off the streets and be put back into our natural habitats. (Here's a tip: if you don't know what an Oompa Loompa is, you're way to young to be reading this.) Why are we obsessed with bright Taylor Swift red lipstick and bold eye shadow? Back then, women didn't start wearing make-up until they were around eighteen. Now, little twelve-year-olds are stressed about how they have to wake up an hour early to do their make-up and hair. And about the clothing, who came up with the idea of cheetah bras and clothing? A little bit doesn't hurt, but the cheetah nails, shirts, shorts, pants, leggings, shoes, socks, and accessories make us look like the Cheetah Girl's cousins. About the shirts, why are we so obsessed with showing so much? What happened to covering most of it up and letting the guys use their imagination?  Is this supposed to cut them some slack? Because I can guarantee you there are guys out there who find this kind of thing very unattractive. Those are the kind of guys you should want/try to impress. Why is showing your bra so important? Are you that desperate for a "night out"? Why can't you think about the children and tuck it away? It's bad enough we have fifteen-year-olds acting like they're twenty five, we don't need five-year-olds doing the same. However, I have seen parents who put make-up on their three-year-olds and put them in dresses that should be worn by adults; which I find completely and utterly stupid. Now...let's talk about the shorts and skirts. How much shorter can they get? You should just wear your underwear...it looks like the same thing. Why do we want our shorts and skirts so short? What's wrong with a little length? I'm not talking about the skirt-to-the floor thing, but at least right above/below our knees. We don't have to wear these skirts/shorts so short that when we bend down, people can see what we had for dinner last night and horrifyingly enough even a little lipage too, provided these gals opted not to sport one of their many thongs on that day. What happened to the old "sexy"? What happened to the short sleeve shirts from Old Navy and our shorts from K-Mart/Target/Walmart? What happened to our Converse? I'm beginning to miss the 80's and 90's. We seemed to be more "in style" back then.

Is the modern day "sexy" too hard to handle and completely over the top? Or, is it that I simply can't keep up? If being "cool" and "in-style" involves dressing up as a whore, I'm not interested. I'd like to thank those who seem to have some self-respect, and who prefer to cover up instead of expose. I'm not saying that all women are like this, but that a large population are. Let's work together and gain some self-respect, ladies...we don't have to dress like that to look beautiful. It's how beautiful our personality and hearts are...and if a guy can't handle us with our hair in a messy bun/pony-tail, sweatpants, no make-up, and our favorite slippers and comfy shirt then screw them. If looks are all that matters to them, they need to reconsider their views on women. Maybe the pressure to be perfect has put an image in our head to have the sexiest body and wear the "sexiest" clothes. Maybe we're beginning to fold under the pressure. We need to stand tall and show that we can be beautiful without looking like a whore, and prove to men that looks aren't all that matters. Maybe we should bring back the 80's and 90's style. Maybe...just maybe - if we can get lucky...the next generation will realize how stupid this is and bring back the classy sexy. Maybe, we still have a chance to redeem our self-pride and self-respect and cover up a bit...hopefully. All we can do is try and take that risk to be original. Maybe our style doesn't have to be whore-rendous. Also, on that note...the girls of my generation are indeed dressing like thirty-something-year-olds. With that I wonder that in this youth obsessed culture, will the girls of my generation grow into mature and responsible women...or will we simply be thirty five going on fifteen?

"9-1-1"

I'm not going to sugar coat a lemon, but no matter what, there will always be that person that we just never feel good enough for. Either you're too tall/short, too ugly, too annoying, or too everything. You'll feel like no matter what you do, you're not good enough. In a relationship, there's always that one person who cares more than the other. Unless I am told otherwise, it seems to me that the person who cares the most is the one who is also the most insecure. Currently, a good friend of mine, Bella, is facing the same situation with her boyfriend Isaac. She always feels like she is not good enough. It seems to her that the popular kids that Isaac talk to are obviously prettier, skinnier, funnier, more athletic, more beautiful than her, etc. Bella doesn't understand how drop dead gorgeous she is. She thinks that she's fat because of her well-built figure due to however many years of being on a great swim team. She thinks that just because her boyfriend is a little bit more social with the wannabe Snookies, that she just isn't good enough. She thinks that in his eyes, she is worthless, empty, flat, ugly, annoying, and clingy. She doesn't fully believe that when he says "love you" he fully means it, or at least loves her as much as she does for him. She believes that "I love you" has more meaning and feelings in it than "love you", which under some circumstances, is true. She tells herself that Isaac will never love her as much as she'll ever love him. It seems that she is desperately calling for help...that she is constantly dialing the 9-1-1 Emergency Dating Hotline, or in her mind, me.

Where Bella is coming from seems to happen a lot in relationships, if I'm not mistaken. What do we do in a situation like this? Do we confront our partner? Or do we hide it and put on a fake smile? Here's the best thing I can tell you from my point of view: tell them. After all, what is a relationship without trust and communication? It's more like a relation-[crap]; if you know what I mean. If they decide to say comforting things and assure you that even if things don't work out, they think you're perfect. Or, they might say something like "If I didn't think of you the way I really do, why would I be with you? You're perfect to me, no matter what anyone else says." That is, if they're not a liar and/or cheater. Or, like anything else in the world, something could go wrong. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, he/she could be rude and a total jerk. He/she could say that he's done dating someone who's insecure, or that you really need to overcome your insecurities; that you're just fishing for compliments. Maybe you are fishing for compliments, I don't know. Maybe you're not. The point is, you should really confront your partner. Hope for the best but expect the worst, and (once again....), believe that everything happens for a reason. I know I am extremely annoying with the fate thing, but I cannot stress how important it is; or at least how important it is to me. 

All I am left to say is that I'm currently facing the same issue with Lucas, so I know how you feel. What you seriously need to do is look in the mirror, then say "hey...it didn't break. I'm beautiful.". Step on the scale, then say "It didn't say 'ERROR'...I'm perfectly fine." Then finally, look down at whomever you have the greatest friend/family member/etc. in which you have mutual trust and care with and think "I'm not alone...wow." If you can't think of that person, you're probably not thinking hard enough. No matter what you may be dealing with or no  matter how you currently feel (emotionally), there's always someone who loves you and there's always someone who cares about you. You may not know it, but I promise you, there is. You just have to accept who you are as a person, and believe that this is who you're supposed to be, and this is what is supposed to happen. I hope that this made at least a small (good) effect on how you currently feel, and that you will make the right decision not for others, but for yourself. I also wish you a "survive the new year", because obviously there will be sadness and pain throughout the year. I wish you all good luck in all aspects of life.