"She Glistens In The Sun..."

There are those peeps in a girls life who burn bright and leave their marks ... They've got a natural glow, and an illuminating way about themselves, which draws attention and leaves a lasting impression. A designer drug, a trend with no end are who these peeps are. They're a great country tune, stuck in your head going round and round.

Maybe the lyrics are relatable, or completely foreign and new. Regardless, it's the melody you're responding to above all. It's the feeling.

These are the peeps whose footsteps we follow ... A gal can't help but stare at those women whose looks tell a tale of incredible freedoms and utter happiness. They're alive. They're irresistible. They're neon. Maybe that's the thing about our youth.

Searching for those peeps, and those who can help a gal dazzle. The peeps we're surrounded by, whether a gal likes it or she doesn't, is what determines how she's perceived.

Ultimately, a gal has to surround herself with those who help her shine, and make her feel new.

"Buy One, Get One Free."

There's a whole 'lotta stuff a gal has to overcome in order to maintain a steady relationship with a man ... A big thing involves the consumer-like mentality among our society today. We're constantly searching round for what's the absolute best we can get, that next great thing. We must consume, while never being happy with what we've got, inducing urges for desiring more. We shop for new fashions, while keeping up with trends, and dabbling into guilty pleasures. However, in our relationships, we're suspected being happy with what we have, to stop our looking and end our shopping (If I've learned anything, it's the grass is never, as promised, greener on the other side). Regardless, considering how society preaches about such propagandic bullshit, is complete happiness in a monogamous relationship possible? I'm here to tell you, it's possible. After all, I am.

Open-mindedness ... That's the key, and that's the war single women everywhere fight. Those "What Ifs" and "What Else's" are defeated with a sheer willingness to search for a love, search for a love where a label, a tag and everything inbetween doesn't mean anything to you. After all, Searchers, true love doesn't cost a thing.

"The Chain."

Jack's unlike any other boyfriend I've had ... He's somebody who I can actually talk with who'll understand, who cherishes and loves me unconditionally for the woman that I am, where I can be myself. Not this puppet he exploits, changing me into a prototype of the quote perfect girlfriend. With that, comes all new territory to explore ... That's all up to time, to tell for our relationship, and what that means exactly for us in the future.

The other men I dated, simply can't compare. Judgmental, picky, unintelligent. Few terribly insecure ... And I experience confidence problems, I've got shortcomings, but I've got pride and I need a man who can pick up my stroll. However, I thank them. 'Point B' doesn't exist without a 'Point A' first and foremost. I'm primed, all with thanks to them, for this 'helluva big love. Inevitably, I'm the best friend, the partner and the woman that I am for Jack with a thanks to them.

I'd never take a previous relationship for granted ... Don't forsake those valuable lessons. There's stuff, within even the most horrific relationship a gal could learn, if she's open and her feelings don't curb her enthusiasm. We learn independence, and gain strength ... "The Chain" begins to disintegrate, flicking into ash, all the while we're closer to 'The One' than imaginable.

"Listen to the wind blow,

Watch the sunrise ...

Run in the shadows,

Damn your love ...

Damn your lies."

"Unoriginal Sin."

Hello, Lovelies ... I'm sorry for the pause. Everything was spicy and I had randomly disappeared. Everything with Jack's going incredibly great right now, and I've got quite a few sharable tidbits. I promise I'll share soon with my Searchers. I've got a few thoughts to organize prior to actually doing it.

Currently, I'm working for a Camp, which explains the pause. Right now, I'm home for a break among other stuff which needs my focus before going back to the Camp. Ergo, I thought I'd scramble up a post to check in with everyone.

What to discuss ... What to discuss.? Alrighty, here's a quick thought.

Let's, for a moment, discuss those desperate women who'll believe in anything. Desperates, or hopefuls? I'm thinking about belief. Maybe, it's not advisable being an optimist past 30 years old. Maybe, pessimism is our new daily applicant similar to a moisturizer. Otherwise, how does a gal bounce back when reality batters her belief system to the core and love doesn't, as it promised, conquer all? Is 'Hope' the new designer drug a gal needs to get off, or could it be what's keeping her alive? Where's the harm in believing?

If 'Hope' is a drug, I'm abusing that shit and I'm hooked for life Searchers ... I've never felt so high and I'm in it until the end, whether I end up soaring above the clouds or drowning in all my battered beliefs.

"Take A Tip, Take A Lesson, You'll Never Win By Guessin..."

Alrighty, Searchers ... I've considered all the bullshit, every ounce, and A LOT has happened in these hours. Stuff was made much easier, yet a bit harder too. The good has been taken with the bad. Light, desperately needed, necessary light has been shed. Everything got harsh, but real ... Now, I'm freed from the nightmare, and everyone can move forward with their lives now (Hopefully...).

The Moral Epiphany : I'm romantically happy, I found a new man ... Well, a recycled boyfriend. I'm going green with men. Nah, but seriously, I think we're headed to great places within our relationship. We're giving it another crack, and I couldn't be happier. Jack. He's been on many shelves within my life, but has moved into the spot I call "My Guy". Patrick is a Stage 12, level 10,000 for the girls who dabble into the world of X-Box, making each day HELL for me and for my heart. There seems like a shift of motive in Patrick's shit, which followed up to everything. Not completely emotions, but for blackmailing and guilt. And I don't mercy date. Well, maybe a couple of times ... And that's why I'm here blogging about everything. However, I've learned a valuable lesson, taken a tip or two. I'm seeing stuff differently and I've found a new understanding. The greatest lesson? "No". A small word, big friend. So I've learned. Seriously.

Patrick found out about Jack ... The cat's out the bag. Wasn't too long! Wouldn't be surprised if Patrick bugged my Blackberry (That ain't cute, but I would NOT put that above him), and boy, was he PISSED. I could not repress it, as I'm so fond of doing with Patrick and his Endless Bullshit. Everyday, I manipulate and repress all of the drama, it's on the todo list particularly regarding Patrick. However, that was unhealthy. I shouldn't of condoned it for so long, terrible. We're "supposed" to be "friends", yea, right. Imagine I attended the movie? God. I'd rather not! Insanity has reached new heights. Patrick penned out some serious shit on iMessage, and I was emotionally trapped. Let us delve...

Halsey had intervened ... Lord! Layed into Patrick. I couldn't be more thankful for all of the help. What this required, was far beyond my capabilities. I'm truly not that gal, regardless of anything and everything, I can't channel the inner-bitch which longs to be released when it's truly needed. Confronting a boss, derailing a mentally-ill and obsessed ex-boyfriend ... I don't think all that highly of myself. 'Ya know, but the dudes line up for my ass. I should be ecstatic, but I can't, that's not the gal I am.

Anywho, Halsey had intervened ... Necessary Reality Check was put. I felt the burn but Patrick understands everything now, within his jacked up walls. He understands that I'm happy, and regardless of however much he blackmails, guilt-trips and manipulates me, we are a past love, emphasis on "past" and that's how it'll stay. We don't mix. Maybe, we are great on paper, terrific in theory, but when you test it, it doesn't workout. Like a red bedroom wall. Seems great, right? Hot? Sexy? 'Ya, no. Don't. Disaster.

I've learned a valuable lesson, taken a tip or two. I'm freed. It's fabulous, a weight has been lifted. Now, I'm at rest. Closure. I can be Jack's woman and see where that goes, without the bearings of a psychotic ex weighing me down. Roadblocking the happiness I can share with Jack, the fate of our relationship. Grateful for everything right now. Hopefully Patrick takes a lesson and quits guessin', too, but I sorta doubt that. Whatever, there's no harm in hope.

I'm ready to continue on with my life ... I feel fabulous, unshackled. I've escaped the past entirely, dodging the revolver that's aimed at my future. Was. Was. Was. What the future holds, I'm not aware, but that's what defines the perfection about it. Expecting the unexpected, while living for every moment, capturing the bliss of both life and love. The Search? Endless. But I'll give it a rest for Jack. And I love being Jill. Magic.

Patrick & I. Friends? I don't see it possible. Not for his crazy infatuation and non-understanding of boundary but for the damage of the night tonight, that's maybe irreparable. Fate ... You never know, that's a bridge for later.

~

Until next time, Searchers...

"Risky Business."

Searchers ... As you're aware, I was clueless about Patrick and the movie invitation drama. Well, after I had emotionally sunk in a pool of "What Ifs?", I had taken a look in the mirror, and I had heard fate, reaching out clear as day. Heavy realizations set, and I didn't go ... I can't find the heart to describe this moral epiphany to Patrick, in unrated terms, about how I've officially moved forward from him and the whole mess.

I'm thinking about tense relationships ... A relationship's connection to the present, past, and future tense. Every gal has had relationship(s) far from a past perfect. But, how much do those relationship(s) affect all our future hopes of a truly perfect relationship? I'm incredibly tense right now. Could you maneuver into a great future if your past is present?

I promise you, I'll elaborate later ... I need time to think. Get prepared, Searchers. It's a brand new mess.