"Winds Of Change."

Lovelies, I'm ready ... Let's do this. I'm not going to sugarcoat, I'm going to let loose. Thankfully I can without fear of any judgment.

Well, it's over with Jack. I ended it. I'm sure you're all surprised, but since I haven't been posting as much as usual or as much as I wish I could, let's rewind time. Our relationship had recently shifted out of the "Honeymoon Phase", which means everything was starting to get real between us. We were a real thing, a thing that would face struggles and overcome the odds if fate were to concur.

Once I was emotionally ready to remove the blindfold, I saw everything for what it really was. Do I love Jack? Abso-freaking-lutely. However, I saw that we're two completely different people hunting for two completely different things out of a relationship. I know he loves me, but we aren't meant to be. The signs are clear and I won't pretend.

After I had realized that, after I was officially emotionally battered, I did draw a conclusion. It wasn't fair to him I couldn't offer everything that he wanted, and his expectations were reasonable, but I didn't fit the part.

I won't get all specific, I won't disclose what's private, but I'm quite positive you all can infer the scenario ... Regardless the gigantic knot, and the affliction which consumed who I was, I had still telephoned Jack and I completely confronted him about everything. I broke his heart, and all for the hopes I could protect mine. Honestly, I was a total wreck, but now I'm numb.

Graciously, I had a few comforting and supportive friends, who generously befriended me throughout the whole thing ... And I love them.

Had I truly tried? Did I sabotage and wreck our whole relationship? Thankfully, those comforting/supportive friends had eased the troubles I was experiencing about everything, reassuring I truly did the right thing, and especially for me, who I'm constantly informed I never quite consider. I enjoy pleasing, not wounding. I was scorn, and consumed with the guilt of yet again, another's crippled heart.

Searchers, commence and continue listenin' to your heart! Relax, and remember you're human. It's tough, but it's what's truly right for everyone, and otherwise who knows. However, there's one thing worse than those feelings of loneliness alone: Those exact feelings of loneliness, while being with somebody else.

"Marilyn Monroe."

I apologize, Lovelies.

The "Winds Of Change" piece WILL get published soon ... I'm buffin' out the dents, and makin' positive it's complete and meaningful for you all.

Thank you, I love you.

"A woman knows by instinct, or intuition, what is best for herself." - Marilyn Monroe

"Winds Of Change : Prelude."

Searchers ... I'm here, sorta kinda, confused. 

Life's rough right now, incredibly rough. I appreciate all the compassion, love, support and understanding I get from everyone here. I thank you all, and I love you.

The Endless Search rolls along (Interpret that), and I'll cap everything soonly ... Life's speeding, I'm simply trying to catch up.

"Careless Whispers."

There's a whole 'lotta stuff a gal has going for her nowadays ... For one, she possesses the ability to recreate her persona. She could be anything, absolutely anything and there are those landmarks along the way, which shove her off in quite a few opposite directions. She can sport a reputation for being the "Bad Girl" or being the "Good Girl", based off all of the choices she makes, and miscellaneous generalizations.

However, isn't it possible her behavior presents the opposite of who she believes herself to be? A reputation could be completely misleading and wrong. Sometimes, a gal can act disasterly and get a bad rap, regardless she knows she's something better than that.

Maybe, a gal wants to deserve the pain that she feels. But, its right there she can choose to renovate ... Correcting how she'll act while changing the way she feels and looks. The fabulous thing about a reputation is how susceptible they are to being proven otherwise.

"Give To Me Your Leather, Take From Me My Lace."

In the matters of relationships, a 'lotta women wanna splurge with a night out on the town.
I for one, never understood why. The annoying sometimes overwhelming crowd and priceyness never swept me into it. You've gotta get dolled up for all this, and your man has to fort the bill, it's a 'lotta work all for one night.
What's bad about playing a little hooky with our men?

Watching The Breakfast Club, Kissing, Ordering Takeout ... Maybe strolling into the bedroom for thensome.
Instead, girls are takin' out a Second Mortgage to cover a ridiculous Lace Dress, which takes practically two hours to put on and then take off. That's a moodkill for the bedroom later on, ladies.
'Ya know, I want happiness and simplicity. Using a thumb for sensually brushing the food from the others' lips, while locking eyes and smiling. I've got that with Jack, and I wouldn't compromise nor jeopardize it for anything else but what it truly is ... Butterflies.

Love's not Materials and Money ... Love's being broke but happy. Kickin' a can along the sidewalk with five dollars to your name and a dream in your heart. Walkin' hand and hand with your man never thinking twice about where the road leads, 'cause you two are together every step of the way.
Love's about feelings. It challenges everything a gal once thought that she knew. It gives her a Sense of Security money can't buy. It'll drive her crazy. Makes her angry sometimes, upset others, but happy always.
Love's not Glamorous Resorts and Jewelry ... Love's lying in the bed while locking hands, gazing into each others' eyes. Feeling each others' warmth. Living for the moment. Knowing that they're "The One" with every movement, every look, every touch and all the words.

"Lovers forever,

Face to Face ...

My city or mountains,

Stay with me, stay.

I need you to love me,

I need you today ...

Give to me your Leather,

Take from me my Lace."

"She Glistens In The Sun..."

There are those peeps in a girls life who burn bright and leave their marks ... They've got a natural glow, and an illuminating way about themselves, which draws attention and leaves a lasting impression. A designer drug, a trend with no end are who these peeps are. They're a great country tune, stuck in your head going round and round.

Maybe the lyrics are relatable, or completely foreign and new. Regardless, it's the melody you're responding to above all. It's the feeling.

These are the peeps whose footsteps we follow ... A gal can't help but stare at those women whose looks tell a tale of incredible freedoms and utter happiness. They're alive. They're irresistible. They're neon. Maybe that's the thing about our youth.

Searching for those peeps, and those who can help a gal dazzle. The peeps we're surrounded by, whether a gal likes it or she doesn't, is what determines how she's perceived.

Ultimately, a gal has to surround herself with those who help her shine, and make her feel new.

"Buy One, Get One Free."

There's a whole 'lotta stuff a gal has to overcome in order to maintain a steady relationship with a man ... A big thing involves the consumer-like mentality among our society today. We're constantly searching round for what's the absolute best we can get, that next great thing. We must consume, while never being happy with what we've got, inducing urges for desiring more. We shop for new fashions, while keeping up with trends, and dabbling into guilty pleasures. However, in our relationships, we're suspected being happy with what we have, to stop our looking and end our shopping (If I've learned anything, it's the grass is never, as promised, greener on the other side). Regardless, considering how society preaches about such propagandic bullshit, is complete happiness in a monogamous relationship possible? I'm here to tell you, it's possible. After all, I am.

Open-mindedness ... That's the key, and that's the war single women everywhere fight. Those "What Ifs" and "What Else's" are defeated with a sheer willingness to search for a love, search for a love where a label, a tag and everything inbetween doesn't mean anything to you. After all, Searchers, true love doesn't cost a thing.

"The Chain."

Jack's unlike any other boyfriend I've had ... He's somebody who I can actually talk with who'll understand, who cherishes and loves me unconditionally for the woman that I am, where I can be myself. Not this puppet he exploits, changing me into a prototype of the quote perfect girlfriend. With that, comes all new territory to explore ... That's all up to time, to tell for our relationship, and what that means exactly for us in the future.

The other men I dated, simply can't compare. Judgmental, picky, unintelligent. Few terribly insecure ... And I experience confidence problems, I've got shortcomings, but I've got pride and I need a man who can pick up my stroll. However, I thank them. 'Point B' doesn't exist without a 'Point A' first and foremost. I'm primed, all with thanks to them, for this 'helluva big love. Inevitably, I'm the best friend, the partner and the woman that I am for Jack with a thanks to them.

I'd never take a previous relationship for granted ... Don't forsake those valuable lessons. There's stuff, within even the most horrific relationship a gal could learn, if she's open and her feelings don't curb her enthusiasm. We learn independence, and gain strength ... "The Chain" begins to disintegrate, flicking into ash, all the while we're closer to 'The One' than imaginable.

"Listen to the wind blow,

Watch the sunrise ...

Run in the shadows,

Damn your love ...

Damn your lies."