"Forevermore."

It seems to me that no matter how hard you try to, you can't ever seem to forget your first passionate love. For a really long time, they'll be on your mind, and from time to time at any stage of your life you'll fondly remember them. Once you have experienced your first true love, there is no turning back ... There's no substitution or other real "first love", it's all them. Every time you see them, your heart flutters, you take a mental look back on all the feelings and memories of the past. Their certain look, smell and personality hitting you all at once takes you back to a simpler time. Do we ever give up on our once great love, the first one that is, or do we just lockup the spot that they once had inside of our hearts because we at one point trusted them wholeheartedly with it? I think that once we gave them that special key, they went to the store and made a million copies. In my case, it is Lucas.

It seems that once in a blue moon, that person vandalizes our hearts, smashing everything in plain view. They then leave the door off its hinges, open to anyone and everyone willing to finish the job. Although but an hour ago, Patrick and I parted ways from our relationship, Lucas still seems to be my main focus. Although I know that Lucas would never fall for a girl that is like me, I never seem to give up and quit trying to change his mind. Could it be that my current and past feelings for Lucas caught up to me, overriding those which were intended for Patrick alone? I don't know why I keep trying to win over Lucas' heart, I really don't. Those feelings that I have for him that I can't even interpret basically destroyed all that I had with Patrick. Lucas is forever chasing these chicks who're the total opposite of me - They're model thin, beautiful salon-styled straight hair, with clear skin and a killer fashion sense. Where as I don't mind eating a sandwich, have home-styled spiral curls, I prefer Walmart with the occasional Aeropostale look, I have acne and not the greatest looks with my black eyes and the color that I have in me (I'm Puerto Rican and Italian, which presents me with an olive skin tone.) With all of those differences, I still somehow force myself to believe that regardless of what these other girls have, they'll never be the kind of girlfriend and person that I am ... They'll never have my personality or my love for music, writing, and various things - Ergo, I keep finding myself going back for more, because I feel that what we could have together is well worth his time and my perpetual heartache.

To summarize what I've written, I leave you with this : Although your first great love may be in love with someone else, don't ever forget that they'll never be able to completely replace you. The new person that's in their life will not have your heart, looks, personality, smile and their love will never be able to compare to the love you had. There's so much more to what I just said and what you believe in, but we all have those stories that we never tell. I wish all of you the best of luck in your relationships and the situations that you're in along with the problems that you may or may not be facing. I also wish you all a blessed and very Happy New Year ... Forevermore, I promise you that fate does what it does for a reason and even though you may not understand why, note that there's always a solution hidden somewhere.

P.S : Thank you for all the accolades and views. I'm thoroughly thrilled to see all of the success in this blog! Love you all very much - Thank you for the support.

"The Power Of Female Sex."

All the English that I seem to encounter at home is "bills, bills, bills." I envy these certain women whose lives are nothing but a blur of rich men, designer clothes and glamorous resorts. Where they don't actually work for a living, yet possess a dazzling sexual power they exploit to their full advantage ... Which presents a certain conundrum : Where exactly lies the line between professional girlfriend and just plain "professional"?

Women do have the right to use every means at their disposal to achieve power. Some may argue it's short of sleeping their way to the top, but what if that's not what it takes to compete? If it is a matter of actually sleeping your way to the top, some women may speak of it to be the exploitation of men, which under their own belief "is perfectly legal". But I believe this advocates a double standard - Women can use their sexuality to get ahead whenever possible, but men shouldn't be allowed to take advantage of it? I'm only trying to say in the event of exploitation, that men and women are equal-opportunity exploiters.

So, where is the said line between professional girlfriend and just plain "professional"? The same line that is drawn by the social normality. Put a label on it and everything is suddenly much more justifiable (She's his girlfriend, so it's okay ; She's not even his girlfriend! What a gold-digging tramp). But there is an upside to these labels. Just like an extravagantly fabulous pair of Manolo Blahnik pumps, you can put them on and take them off at your leisure - Unless of course you are a certain miss Coco Chanel. Then you surely want them on because it's an extra three grand in your case. But that's the beauty of your own brand - Attach, detach. Whichever suits you the best.

"The Only Exception."

Love can be life changing ... It can be absolutely wonderful or downright awful. It can be the cure for a heartache, or can make one worse. The great part about love is how it's like fate - Anything involved with it happens for a good/plausible reasoning. Sometimes we fall in love and that's okay (Always listen to your heart but do not leave your head behind as that too is very important.) The thing I like most about love is when you find somebody you believe in, that same somebody being the person who wants to be with you, always - When you're both petrified by the thought of somehow losing each other. However, falling in love may come with some consequences. There's always that lurking fear of getting hurt or losing that person. In my case, I don't hold too much faith in love. It's always wound up being yet even more devastation for me in the long run. It appears that in one way or another, we wind up getting hurt. I try and avoid falling in love at all costs, because whenever I get emotionally attached to someone, I wind up alone and broke unable to get up ... But this is apart of life. Which will now lead me to my point : Believing in the same circumstances as I do, you'll always have that one person who's the exception to the rules. (I.E - Patrick)

When having said "only exception", there is still a great risk of pain in the long run. Although I fully comprehend this, I find it best to just live life, letting love play it's role. If I end up hurt, so be it ... I will only further learn from my mistakes. Anywho, me meeting Patrick was probably the greatest thing that could have happened to me honestly. Our relationship could not be any better than it is right now. We started out as acquaintances, only conversing if we were taking the same bus home that day. Eventually, we decided upon exchanging numbers and frequently talk more of hanging out. Which escalated to hanging out on the regular, which made our friendship much stronger. One day at a dance, we had been hanging out the entire time ... I remember this moment fondly as if it just happened. We were sitting and he leaned (up) to me and said this : "If I were any older, would you contemplate dating me?" I was dumbfounded and speechless, as I was still wrapped up in Lucas, leaving my confusing love life to be a hot mess. I scurried for a response and said this : "I'm not sure ... I have to be into who I'm dating and I'm just unsure about some things." I could feel his sadness and his stress, almost as if it were to be my very own. I tried to give him the friendliest hug I could, as retribution for the inconsistencies and shortcomings that consume my love life. After about a week later, he asked me out again, and thankfully I said yes. This was on November 9th, which is actually a coincidence, considering that my birthday falls on a 9th. So far we've been exclusive for roughly a month now, and things couldn't be better. We flirt like we're lovers, argue like a married couple, and talk like best friends - I love it. Although I do have my occasional doubts about the relationship, I've realized that it's not because we're losing that spark, it's simply because I've experienced a bad day consumed with total jackasses. I'm really blessed to be with a dude like him. I simply adore our spontaneous hugs as we see each other periodically throughout the day, chasing each other with our shoes we try to throw at one another in some outlandish battle of the laces. I love how we can just be ourselves and completely goof off, without being taken too seriously and our attempts of actually being romantic (Which always seem to be epic fails as neither of us are bachelors of romance.) But what I adore most, was in the moment of us holding hands when at the movies. I can't wait to see what exactly the future holds ; whether it's for the greater good or the greater evil...

You see guys, sometimes we just need to go outside and take a deep breath, letting fate handle the rest. Although love has it's distinctive ups and downs, many valuable lessons are included in those situations for free - Everyone enjoys a bargain especially in this economy. I'm not trying to sugarcoat a lemon here, as love in and of itself won't get easier each subsequent round. It's similar to playing Twister ; the farther into the game, the more compromising the position. I hoped I served as a help to you all, and I wish all of you the greatest of luck in happiness, life and love.

"When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind...He broke his own heart and  I watched as he tried to re-assemble it...And my mamma swore that she would never let herself forget. And that was the day that I promised...I'd never sing of love, if it does not exist. But darling you are the only exception...you are the only exception."

-Paramore. 

"Flicking The Switch."

In-between relationships, there's always a rough patch. Sometimes, it's a battle of who you've fallen in love with ... You really like two people, but you're simply stuck in-between the both of them. It becomes the battle of what you need from what you want, similar to a (sad) 'Twilight' love triangle ordeal. At other times, it's simply the deeply emotional process of getting over your former lover. No matter what has happened in the past, it is in the past for a reason, leave it there and then try something new for yourself. Remember, when the past calls it has nothing new to say. What you really should be doing is looking forward to your future. Flicker on the light switch to the bright future that you have in your possession.

As some of you guys may already know, I was in a battle between two dudes I couldn't choose from. One of them, (Let us call him Lucas), I have fallen in love with over time. However, how am I to be sure it was (is) love? Well ... Personally, I don't think the simple crush lasts for a year, but hey that's just me. Anywho, the other dude is my current boyfriend Patrick. I had hoped for so much in Lucas that Patrick already had. I had really wanted Lucas to be mine, while Patrick unbeknownst to me, had to offer everything that I wanted that I saw in Lucas and Lucas only at the time. I hoped that Lucas would understand my feelings for him, all while Patrick was really trying to get me to understand his feelings for me. You see guys, while we may be sitting here yearning for a person that we don't have any visible future with, another person is trying to do the same with us. Last night at movie night, I had flickered on a new light switch. This particular light switch has lit the way for a much brighter future than I thought I had. Although it was a seemingly small step in the relationship, it felt to me as if a new door opened. Enough with all the banter, here's what transpired.

Patrick and I were watching a movie along with the welcomed company of close friends. It was decent, and it did involve some dancing and singing at times. Towards the ending, Patrick leaned (up) and over and said to me this : "You know ... If the freaky guy with the beard frightens you at any point, feel free to lean on my shoulder at any time you choose." I was happy yet amused, as Patrick is four inches shorter than me, so in order to do such a thing, I'd have to discombobulate and re-position my whole body in the rather small chair. During the flick, there was that intensely apprehensive 'hand-game' where you both really want to hold hands, but just as soon as your close to doing so, you get frightened or startled and back out. After a while of the anxiousness this annoying game brought, I leaned in (Or down, you could say) and said, "You know ... For whatever reason, if you feel the need to hold hands, feel free to do so..." Shortly after that uncomfortable moment, he then said, "So ... Is that hand-holding opportunity still open or?" I then nodded in agreement. After some dancing and singing with his buddies, he moved his hand over to where our forefingers met. Slowly, we moved into locking fingers, which brought upon these feelings I cannot describe in words - The crazy 'needs-to-be-mentally-evaluated-and-over-analyzed' me would probably relate the emotions to rainbows. But the intellectual, responsible me would say that it was a heartwarming feeling to say the very least. I was tingling from my head to toes, it felt as though my heart was running a marathon, I could finally feel the hope sparkling in my eyes and future. The feelings were indescribable and definitely a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

So you see my friends, where this is darkness there too is light. In other words, my experience last night made me feel as though everything was going to be okay, better than okay. In flickered the switch to a great relationship, which was at first only intrigued by a small spark. Now that this has happened, I feel as if everything at the moment is perfect and I have zero complaints. I feel like I dug deep inside of myself to flicker that switch to the new beginning I desperately needed. To the majority of you, this probably seems like the smallest step into a relationship, but throughout everything I have never felt this way before. It was truly amazing and my only hope now is you can experience what I experienced last night, and very soon...