"Flicking The Switch."

In-between relationships, there's always a rough patch. Sometimes, it's a battle of who you've fallen in love with ... You really like two people, but you're simply stuck in-between the both of them. It becomes the battle of what you need from what you want, similar to a (sad) 'Twilight' love triangle ordeal. At other times, it's simply the deeply emotional process of getting over your former lover. No matter what has happened in the past, it is in the past for a reason, leave it there and then try something new for yourself. Remember, when the past calls it has nothing new to say. What you really should be doing is looking forward to your future. Flicker on the light switch to the bright future that you have in your possession.

As some of you guys may already know, I was in a battle between two dudes I couldn't choose from. One of them, (Let us call him Lucas), I have fallen in love with over time. However, how am I to be sure it was (is) love? Well ... Personally, I don't think the simple crush lasts for a year, but hey that's just me. Anywho, the other dude is my current boyfriend Patrick. I had hoped for so much in Lucas that Patrick already had. I had really wanted Lucas to be mine, while Patrick unbeknownst to me, had to offer everything that I wanted that I saw in Lucas and Lucas only at the time. I hoped that Lucas would understand my feelings for him, all while Patrick was really trying to get me to understand his feelings for me. You see guys, while we may be sitting here yearning for a person that we don't have any visible future with, another person is trying to do the same with us. Last night at movie night, I had flickered on a new light switch. This particular light switch has lit the way for a much brighter future than I thought I had. Although it was a seemingly small step in the relationship, it felt to me as if a new door opened. Enough with all the banter, here's what transpired.

Patrick and I were watching a movie along with the welcomed company of close friends. It was decent, and it did involve some dancing and singing at times. Towards the ending, Patrick leaned (up) and over and said to me this : "You know ... If the freaky guy with the beard frightens you at any point, feel free to lean on my shoulder at any time you choose." I was happy yet amused, as Patrick is four inches shorter than me, so in order to do such a thing, I'd have to discombobulate and re-position my whole body in the rather small chair. During the flick, there was that intensely apprehensive 'hand-game' where you both really want to hold hands, but just as soon as your close to doing so, you get frightened or startled and back out. After a while of the anxiousness this annoying game brought, I leaned in (Or down, you could say) and said, "You know ... For whatever reason, if you feel the need to hold hands, feel free to do so..." Shortly after that uncomfortable moment, he then said, "So ... Is that hand-holding opportunity still open or?" I then nodded in agreement. After some dancing and singing with his buddies, he moved his hand over to where our forefingers met. Slowly, we moved into locking fingers, which brought upon these feelings I cannot describe in words - The crazy 'needs-to-be-mentally-evaluated-and-over-analyzed' me would probably relate the emotions to rainbows. But the intellectual, responsible me would say that it was a heartwarming feeling to say the very least. I was tingling from my head to toes, it felt as though my heart was running a marathon, I could finally feel the hope sparkling in my eyes and future. The feelings were indescribable and definitely a once-in-a-lifetime moment.

So you see my friends, where this is darkness there too is light. In other words, my experience last night made me feel as though everything was going to be okay, better than okay. In flickered the switch to a great relationship, which was at first only intrigued by a small spark. Now that this has happened, I feel as if everything at the moment is perfect and I have zero complaints. I feel like I dug deep inside of myself to flicker that switch to the new beginning I desperately needed. To the majority of you, this probably seems like the smallest step into a relationship, but throughout everything I have never felt this way before. It was truly amazing and my only hope now is you can experience what I experienced last night, and very soon...